There is a woman in our neighborhood that recently lost her husband. She has been really struggling with all the aftermath. She had a lot of the, angry at the world and God attitude. The happy ever after had not worked out for her. She was now stuck with four kids to rise on her own while having to work two jobs to support them. I went with another man from our church to visit her. In our church we often go visit the needy.
We were visiting at the door; there was clear reluctance to let us in. I ask her if she was set for Christmas, she said “she was still working on it”. I thought “OK she needs the $100.00 in my pocket” (see Aug 07 blog), she resisted, but I insisted. Strong woman, reminded me of my mother who was also a widow. She was a strong woman, was going to do it own her own and didn’t want charity, even if she desperately needed it.
We were about to leave when she invited us in. I told her I understood some of what she was going through. Not that I had gone through it, but that I had lived it from the point of view of a child. I understood to some degree where she was and talked to her about it. It was clear she needed some one that understood. We talked about some of the things she was going though. I tried to make it clear that I understood and didn’t in any way think she was bad or anything other than normal.
Talked about how difficult it was to go to church and see all the couples sitting with their kids and spouse. How she feels like a misfit, but goes for the children. How the happy ever after didn’t work out for her through no fault of her own. That life for her wasn’t fair. That it was going to take years for her to get through it all. She was moving out of her house and we talked about the need to start over and leave some of the memories behind.
As we went to leave I went to give her a quick hug. She started crying and just needed held for a moment. She needed to be cared about by someone who simply cared about her as a person with no other purpose or intention.
She has a hard path ahead of her, as do a lot of other single mothers. It is not possible for me or anyone else to take the path away. Though occasionally we my have the opportunity to help along the way. I was glad that for a short “moment in my life” I was able to give a small token of service, and in memory of my father (see “A White Christmas” below) I was able to give some wood (thought it was refined into green paper) for Christmas.
We were visiting at the door; there was clear reluctance to let us in. I ask her if she was set for Christmas, she said “she was still working on it”. I thought “OK she needs the $100.00 in my pocket” (see Aug 07 blog), she resisted, but I insisted. Strong woman, reminded me of my mother who was also a widow. She was a strong woman, was going to do it own her own and didn’t want charity, even if she desperately needed it.
We were about to leave when she invited us in. I told her I understood some of what she was going through. Not that I had gone through it, but that I had lived it from the point of view of a child. I understood to some degree where she was and talked to her about it. It was clear she needed some one that understood. We talked about some of the things she was going though. I tried to make it clear that I understood and didn’t in any way think she was bad or anything other than normal.
Talked about how difficult it was to go to church and see all the couples sitting with their kids and spouse. How she feels like a misfit, but goes for the children. How the happy ever after didn’t work out for her through no fault of her own. That life for her wasn’t fair. That it was going to take years for her to get through it all. She was moving out of her house and we talked about the need to start over and leave some of the memories behind.
As we went to leave I went to give her a quick hug. She started crying and just needed held for a moment. She needed to be cared about by someone who simply cared about her as a person with no other purpose or intention.
She has a hard path ahead of her, as do a lot of other single mothers. It is not possible for me or anyone else to take the path away. Though occasionally we my have the opportunity to help along the way. I was glad that for a short “moment in my life” I was able to give a small token of service, and in memory of my father (see “A White Christmas” below) I was able to give some wood (thought it was refined into green paper) for Christmas.
1 comment:
:) I'm glad you were able to help her. I'm sure that is just what she needed.
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